Unfortunately for Miss Queen, Snow White is the fairest one of all. This is a big shocker because Snow White is supposed to be dead. After she gets told by the mirror, Miss Queen storms out of the room, muttering about some wuss of a huntsman. I tiptoe after her.
She hurries down the hallway, down a flight of stairs, and into a bedroom. Sorry. Bed chamber. There's a bed with all this fabric draped over it, a desk, a bookshelf, and a huge oak table with some knick knacks on it.
Miss Queen rips books from the shelves and throws them on the bed. I lean against the doorway until she turns around. "Who are you? What are you doing here?"
I push myself off the wall and stroll over to her. "You know, there are better ways of handling Snow White than just killing her," I say. "Not that that plan would work anyway."
What can I say? I got dropped near the castle, I'm going to help the queen. If the powers that be had put me at Snow White's doorstep, maybe I would've just told her not to eat the apple.
Miss Queen puts her hand on her heart, like suggesting she wants to kill Snow White is appalling. The books on her bed tell a different story: Death by Hexes; Curses for that Special Someone; How to Destroy Your Enemies in a Fortnight or Less.
"Look," I say. "Why don't you take that potion you're about to make for yourself--you know, the one that's going to turn you into some old ugly hag--and put it to better use?" Her plan isn't a bad one, it just lacks focus.
The queen stares at me, her mouth parted, which is very un-queenly.
I roll my eyes. She apparently needs a little more help. "Why not give it to Snow White instead? That way, she'll be ugly and you don't have to go ALL the way down to the dwarf's cottage."
Miss Queen's eyes widen and then move to look at the pile of deranged reading material on the bed. Then she puts a delicate finger to her lips and smiles.
Then she disappears. The bedchamber disintegrates, everything.
And I'm back in my room. The clock reads 4:21 AM, so I go back to sleep.