Okay, I have about ten
Sentence Lites done. (There are a lot of really short scenes in Chapter 2.) One of them was a bad sentence that I posted
earlier:
So as a reminder, here's the old Sentence:
![](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8DsigUUamO1VkriYMGNZ_LBbyT7yJH_tYhZ2gVZi2LruxwGqn3nAuUimAc_SJOfm0p95HfXdqBXslrnj4c_Fh0vvpnmHBP21pal82J8FCxCIABnGWRZOoUMZhaC4FSVknc3csMSiVM3I/s320/Mom,+Meet+Nathan.JPG)
And here is my new card:
![](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6pFT4kRSSWkGBZNSUjKoTApFBBn_UDxoZu9VlspwgQWKnpsjqlaDXuXNBTa-8tzfMmYCBrqQiDvnEkV8oKKn3b7y2EyupI5g2HvBgRqTVcC8yvUrd69g0GzWusCvCFQ5G00MbDwSPawk/s320/Mom,+Meet+Nathan+Improved.JPG)
Not perfect, but switching the POV definitely helped. At least there's a conflict now.
1 comment:
Hi, Emily.
I'm not up to the card lesson yet, but thanks for giving that example from your WIP. It looks like a technique that will be really useful to me. I tend to be a bit too woolly with what I need to achieve!
Hope
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