July 15, 2009

Improved Scene: Mom, Meet Nathan

Okay, I have about ten Sentence Lites done. (There are a lot of really short scenes in Chapter 2.) One of them was a bad sentence that I posted earlier:

So as a reminder, here's the old Sentence:


And here is my new card:
Not perfect, but switching the POV definitely helped. At least there's a conflict now.
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1 comment:

Hope said...

Hi, Emily.

I'm not up to the card lesson yet, but thanks for giving that example from your WIP. It looks like a technique that will be really useful to me. I tend to be a bit too woolly with what I need to achieve!

Hope

July 15, 2009 at 9:31 PM

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